Guilty Mama Sydrome
Since starting my journey as a stay at home mom I have had an all consuming guilt about my role as a financial contributor to our family. Everytime I buy something for myself I think well....should I be doing that, should I be spending this, I really am not bringing in any money. Even though we are financially stable, my husband is so completely okay with me spending as a I please, with in reason, its still a mental struggle.
Then on the flip side when I was working I felt like I was missing out on my kids lives. I would ask myself are my monetary worldly passions worth missing a first step, first word, etc.
When E. cried when I dropped her off. GUILT. I had a meeting after school and would after the drive home only see her for a total of two hours. GUILT. One time, I actually broke down the number of days I spent with E. vs. the number of days I spent at work in a year. So much GUILT no matter what choice is made. Moving forward to more guilty moments.
Then there is the guilt of snapping at your toddler, tween, or teenager because you had a bad day.
Maybe you just said sh** and guess what your two year old just said?! Insert small laugh and more GUILT!
Or that your little has said "mom" fifteen times before you stop looking at Facebook on your phone. When you realize well..... Insert more GUILT.
To say the least parenting comes with a lot of GUILT! It's how we process it that matters. I am currently reading the book "Sacred Parenting" by Gary Thompson. What I love about this book is that it is not a parenting "How To", but rather how "parenting shapes our souls" and matures us as humans, christains, and as parents. Gary states that " We're not the best parents, , not by far. We don't have all the wisdom we'd like. We don't understand how everything fits together. We make mistakes, we make messes, we can do everything wrong-but God looks at us with a Father's delighted eyes. Where we see weakness God see humility." (pg. 52.) He also describe that God has an abundant amount of love and mercy for us and forgiveness for our mistakes.
I loved this passage because it reminds me that God created me as a parent to be perfectly imperfect. He also created my perfectly imperfect children just for me. So when I feel the GUILT of my short comings and I am locked in the bathroom questioning my sanity, I am going to remind myself that I was MADE for this job, they will survive, despite if I work or stay at home, despite if I cuss and they repeat, despite if I snap at them, they will SURIVIVE! They will not only survive, but I am guessing they will turn out to be healthy, happy, functioning adults, because if I look at myself through Christ's eyes I am humbled by my mistakes and empowered to continue on in the crazy beautiful world of parenting.
Grace, Mercy, and Move On!
So if you are a guilty mother like me. Give yourself a little GRACE and MERCY and move on. Parenting is long journey, not a sprint. So the good news is tomorrow is a new day full of new gifts and plenty of things for us all to screw up, have a little guilt about, and then be merciful to ourselves, learn, and charge forward.
So whatever your GUILT is right now I challenge you to let it go and move forward! I promise if you feel like you are failing that means you are doing a whole lot right because you are taking the times to question your ways to better yourself for you and your kiddos.
All the feelings,